my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just threw up on my dentist
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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