its not stalking. its research.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
