9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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