I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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