The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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