We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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