I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
