She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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