I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I AM VODKA MAN
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
