Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
