The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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