it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
