A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
