I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
two words...techno handjob
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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