Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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