totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
