Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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