You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
