Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
