I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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