I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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