nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
