At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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