That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
