I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
