fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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