there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
