I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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