Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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