How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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