im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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