True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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