i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
