My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
