If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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