Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
