she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
