I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
