I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
