the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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