I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my shit smells like andre
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
