break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
