I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
