just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
