I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
