is your mom at the bar?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
