I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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