I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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