Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude i'm inner monologue high
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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