the condom got lost in my hair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
